My Faith Journey Pt. 1


Growing up my mom made us go to church every Sunday and Wednesday. She got us involved in dance ministry and the church choir. I always had a good time going to church when I was able to go to the groups for the children. Church was suppose to be a place where every one came together to learn about Christ and how to live the best lives we could. Going to church at a younger age I always heard the grown up tell each other to have faith. I mean every time there was a problem in someone ones life they would say ” have faith” , and the size of a mustard seed at that. I didn’t understand it much until I got a little older as to what they meant. Coming out of high school and moving in to my own place, I completely stopped going to church. I mean I knew God, but I was very distant from him. I sort of felt like I went so much as a kid that it wouldn’t hurt to give church a break for a while. Along the way I figured I was wrong.
You’re probably wondering if there was a reason that I stopped going all together. Well in church we use to have speakers that would come visit. I actually loved when they came because I got to look at things from a different view point. Now sometimes I didn’t understand what the preacher was referring to, but I’m sure I’m not the only one that has experienced that. So, this one time this women in which she was a prophetess came to do a sermon at our church. She was a strong spiritual women who everyone respected ; She could look at you and the Holy Spirit would speak through her. I always liked this about spiritual people because I’ve always wanted to know what God thought about me. I seemed to always get over looked and I didn’t know why..haha. Well this day I was about 15 or so and she called all the kids to the front. Of course I was nervous because I thought this would be my moment of truth! Where I would be able to know what God has to say to me. I walked up there with all the other kids that I knew, and she is just touching and agreeing as the church folk would say. She finally got to me, but before I get into what she said, I wanted to let you know what the church thought of me first or at least what I thought they thought of me. I was becoming a young woman, and no one could seem to understand that it was bound to happen for me to start liking boys! They didn’t want me sitting with boys and barely talking to them. My mom use to say ” Don’t you be at this church all over that boy either”..Haha..I mean now its funny, but at the time it was so annoying.
Now back to me standing at the alter with this “prophetess”. Now every one she has touched she has said some nice things about them! Honestly I didn’t know what to expect. I figured if it was something good she would say it out loud, but if it was bad she would put the damn microphone away from her mouth and tell me in my ear! Apparently not!!!! The microphone is to her mouth and she says ” If you don’t listen to your mama, you’re going to end up having 5 kids”…….!!!!!!! Are you kidding me woman!!???? I looked at her and walked down the isle so the next person could go. Do you know how humiliating it was to walk down the isle back to my seat? All I heard while I was walking was “mmhmm” and “I told ya”. The stares made me so uncomfortable that I wanted to walk out and just leave. By the way…I was not sexually active at this time. The most I had every done was french kiss a boy! but hell who hadn’t! I was so ashamed, hurt, and frustrated. That day was the first experience of me not wanting to ever come back to church again, and part of me loosing my faith in God and in the church itself. Yes I was young, but it all starts someone where early in the experience. I would like to state that I’ve always listened to my mother. And I’m currently about to be 25 in December with NO KIDS. I’m not saying she was completely wrong…well no..she was wrong..and it was totally disrespectful for her to say those things out in front of the whole church. I didn’t picture God to be that way and at 15 years old it left a sour taste in my mouth.

To be continued….

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