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As Talia walked into the double doors of her two story home, she realized she was slipping back into a placed she promised she wouldn’t go back to. She wrapped her arms around her body while she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Those tears she had been fighting back for days started to form once again in the corner of her eyes. ” It’s okay Talia” she told herself. She has everything she wanted in life except true love. She’s been in love before, and she thought this time she had found the one. She was so confused as to what to do. She felt lost as if she should continue to fight for love or just give up all together. She thought to herself ” I’m successful, beautiful, goofy, loving, and supportive. What am I missing? “. Talia didn’t notice, but she was starting to question her worth again in which she promised she wouldn’t do. She closed the double doors to her home and walked to her kitchen table. As she started to sit down she grabbed her phone slowly wondering if she had received  a message from him, but she hadn’t. Relieved but upset in the same sense, she went to her message box and found his name. She opened the message thread only to relive the hateful messages they exchanged.  All of her wanted to delete everything of him, but she couldn’t because she wasn’t ready. As she’s reading her hands become clammy and her heart started to sink. She couldn’t believe someone who said they loved her could say those type of things to her, but who was she to judge because she said hateful things as well. What bothered her is the things he said made her question herself in which she hadn’t done in over two years. Sitting in that kitchen fully clothed is when she felt the most naked and ashamed. She pulled on her shirt to cover her stomach because all of a sudden she felt ugly, bigger, and small minded.

She got up and left the table and the phone, she couldn’t bare look at it any longer.  She headed towards her stairs and with every step she felt her heart shattering more and more. A broken heart always felt like a death in the family to her, and here she is feeling like she has to put the love of her life to rest. “Maybe a hot shower would do me some good. Maybe take my mind off the pain. ” she said to herself. She started removing her clothes. As they fell to the floor, she couldn’t find the confidence to look in the mirror at herself any longer, not today at least. Those tears she thought she left down stairs apparently followed her to the shower. She turned the hot water on and walked in and closed the glass door behind her. She walked up against the shower head and let the hot water run down her body attempting to relax her. she closed her eyes and when she opened them she started to cry out. She leaned her back up against the wall of the shower and slid to the floor. She through her head back and looked towards the ceiling like she was waiting on God to answer her. She knew if no one heard her cry out, he would, but nothing happened. Completely broken, she started picturing all the things that she thought were true to be lies.  “Did he even really love me!! Was it all fake??” she screamed out to God. With soggy eyes and a weak body, she pushed herself up and walked out the shower and left the water running.  Grabbed her robe and put it on her wet body. Walked towards the closest down the hallway and grabbed the hammer. She saw the phone on the table…walked towards it..picked it up and popped up a message from him…”Justin”.  She opened it and it read ” I’m so sorry, Talia, for the harsh things I have spoken into your atmosphere. Please can we sit and talk, and even move past this if possible.”    Her hand began to shake and she became so confused. She dropped the phone on the table, and took the hammer and started to smash her phone. Smash after smash tiny little pieces flew around the kitchen. With every hit she began to scream and cry. She became uncontrollably angry to where she started to scare herself. She took one last hit with all her might, and then she dropped to the floor. She was so lost in her own world she didn’t notice she  had her hands and knees in the glass from the phone. Leaning over to her right hip to release the pressure off of her hands and knees, she became so dizzy. Attempting to cease the heavy breathing she took three long breaths in and out.  With slightly bloody hands, she cuffed her face and sobbed out to God. She knew even though this man apologized and wanted to move pass everything, she couldn’t dare put herself back in that situation. In this very moment, she realized she relapsed and went back to the dark place she never wanted to visit again.  She closed her eyes and said aloud ” Talia..never compromise your happiness and sanity for the likes of others. You are strong, in which God will pick you up when you are  weak. ” That day Talia decided to walk away from the man she loved in order to continue to love and respect herself first. She knew if it was meant to be God would let them cross paths again, but until then, She chose herself.

Are you a Talia yet? Have you been able to walk away from something/someone you loved, but knew at the moment it was toxic?

Have you been taken back to your dark place?

Have you given God the right to pick you up when you are weak?

Or maybe your’re a Justin ? …

Saying hurtful things to someone you love?

Waiting too late to apologize ?

2 thoughts on “Shattered Indefinitely

  1. I’ve been to a dark place, particularly before I moved to North Carolina. This was such a good write Tisha and I loved the questions at the end. I can see you writing a book in the near future. Love you. As always.

    Like

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