Last time I posted I took you back to a time where someone shamed me in front of the whole church. The incident I’m about to enlighten you on today is how I was forever shamed in front of a deacon, but he never even knew how he made me feel.

So, we were having this church event where my dance group had to perform. Usually after we dance we always sit in the back of the church with our friends, or go outside to our young adult church group.  Everyone decided the stay inside the church because the parents didn’t want to miss this sermon. I happened to get up and head out to the restroom, and there he was, the boy I liked. No harm in that as long as I was being appropriate. At the moment we stood outside and laughed and just caught up with each other.  All of a sudden one of the deacons of the church walked up and asked us what we were doing outside. I didn’t think too much into it because we honestly were not doing anything wrong. My friend stated ” We’re not doing anything” , and the deacon goes, ” You need to go back in the church now”. If I can remember  he said something to me like I need to stay away from him or something. I walked back into the church to finish out the sermon. I didn’t get the real  heat until I got into the car with my mom.

Once my mom picked up my sister and me, she instantly let me have it. Out of everything she said the one thing that caught my attention was that the deacon told my mom I was easy! If you’re not familiar with this term it just means that someone could say or do anything and you would let them have sexual encounters with you. I couldn’t believe this man actually had the nerve to say this about me, but more so to my mother. I was somewhat upset with my mother because I don’t think she defended me like I wanted her too. I mean it honestly hurt my feelings to the point where I thought less of myself. I didn’t tell anyone how it made me feel. I just let it settle inside and let it push me further away from God. I constantly asked myself  how could this man that barely knew me say something so sexually demeaning about me.  As a young adult I did ask myself did God tell him that? I questioned myself and so much more. I never looked at that deacon the same after that.

Day by day, month by month, I became less and less interested in what God had to offer. I still knew him…but I didn’t find the need to talk to him, or spend anytime with him on a personal level. By the age of 18 we had grown completely apart. I believed good things only happened to perfect people, and I was far from that…

 

To be Continued…

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