Born: September 4th 1948
Born Again: July 5th 2013
Sometimes In life we need a reason to be strong, or for someone to show us how to be. My grandmother was diagnosed with cancer in 2012 . We honestly thought she was going to win the fight. She was such an amazing person inside and out. She had been through quite a bit in her life to where granny became a little sheltered, but she kept the family together. Every one loved her. She was always there to hug you, encourage you, but tell your ass how it is. She was my best friend. I never kept secrets from her. She would always call me and talk to me about everything. She could talk for hours each day and she never forgot numbers either. The family always said the time she forgot a number is when we would know she was sick.
She didn’t go many places…She would usually makes us walk to the store and get what she wanted or call for someone with a car to get it for her. She was just the cutest. She faught for as long as she could. Went under the knife so they could remove the cancer. I remember the day I saw my mom cry in the car because the doctor told her that even after the surgery the cancer would come back 100%. That broke my heart to see my mom about to loose her mom and my grandmother. For me I never cried during funerals or when I knew someone was termanial. I thought maybe something was wrong with me. That was until I knew I was going to loose her. I’ll never forget how the family came together and took care of her. My mom, My aunt Cassandra and my two cousins Britney and B especially. If I felt like I was dying while just being around from day to day…I can only imgaine the pain they felt having to be there from sun up to sun down seeing her decline. I’ll always look up to them for that!
She declined pretty quickly, and I mean quickly because it was a 10 month time spand. Now that I look at it I realized she started to live her best life in those 10 months. She never got out much, but she started going everywhere with the family. We took her out to eat to this chinese buffet. I mean the whole family was there. Thinking about it makes me cry becasue she seemed so happy in those last moments. She went to the hospital and saw my little cousin Jayla being born. I remember coming home from the hospital with her. We were riding downtown and she saw all the lights. She was so excited and amazed by this. It may be a small thing to some people, but to her she was living her best life in her last days. She got to cook me my favorite meal before she passed ( pork and beans and pork chop). She called and told me to come get it and she loved me. Weeks later she called me, and didn’t know who she was calling. That tore me to a million pieces. A week or so later she couldn’t swallow her food…and then it got hard for her to speak…and it hurt when you touched her..and then…on July 5th 2013 my grandmother decided she wanted to go home. I hated for her to go, but I couldn’t and wouldn’t dare to see a beautiful soul like hers suffer here on this earth another day.
When She left she took my heart with her. But I believe she’s just saving it for me , so I can give it to the right person one day. When she died I couldn’t believe it, but she came to me in my dream. She was laying down in what looked like a casket. She got up and started dancing. She just kept saying I’m okay! I’m okay! Don’t worry! This was the night before her going away celebration. I woke up with so much strength on that day. Honestly, days, months, and years after it still remains hard to live without her. But just knowing that she is okay makes it a little bit easier to live another day knowing she’s gone. Today marks her 5 year home going, and she decided to come to me in a dream on July 3rd. She told me to give my mom a message to let her know that she is in heaven and she remains happy and okay. She then looks at me.. and she says ” stop giving your heart to people who don’t deserve it. It’s so big, but some people don’t deserve it all..be careful”. I woke up feeling warm and loved. So happy to see her, but also so shocked because of the message she gave me. Me and my mom literally were talking about the same thing hours before.. and I maybe brushed the subject off a little bit. She defintely came and gave me some reassurance as a grandmother would.
If I could just have one more day to tell you I love you…I’d say it a million times to make sure you’d never forget. I love you and I miss you grandma. You were my best friend, and I’ll always remember how you stood by my side on my good and bad days. How you gave me advice and always kept my secrets. How you hugged and kissed me and told me you loved me. How you danced around and lit up the room. I would ask you to come back but because of you being selfish is something I lack.