I never knew how something so small could be so significant to me until the day I cried over a broken shoe. It’s totally funny now, but then I felt as though it was the end of the world.
I’ve learned that when we first meet someone we are in this bliss stage where everything seems to go right. We say and do the right things. We buy each other gifts. Everything seems so perfect. That’s what I was feeling except it wasn’t the beginning stage. We were hanging in there with each other for a while. Of course we were still learning about each other, but things seemed good. Every relationship has it’s test, and you’re learning about one another each day. At this point I thought I was in love. He made me smile so hard at times. He gave me butterflies in which I hadn’t felt in a long time. The smallest things he did made me feel like I loved him more and more each day. When we were Good, everything was perfect, but when we were BAD everything was bad. I’m aware I’m the type of person that may say things that should not be said just because you’re in an argument, but this time I felt as though things needed to be said. I feel like I’ve altered that part of me quite a bit, but people still don’t like what I have to say during an argument. Now remember this is totally from my point of view because I have no clue how he felt at the moment.
Ok on with the story…well we had just had a great two days together and I felt like our relationship was in a great place. Hours before I arrived home we argued about a pair of shoes that he bought me, but took back (hid from me) because he was mad at me. If I’m not mistaken he was mad about me tossing and turning in the bed to where it had awaken him. My apologies, but it was something that I tried to solve by going into the living room. Apparently that wasn’t a good idea. So you see!! this all started out with a damn pair of shoes! HaHa! But it’s not the broken shoe I cried over. This is the damn shoes that started the END of us.
During the argument about the pair of sneakers he got me…I was enraged..I mean it took me back to a past relationship where someone did the same thing for different reasons. Once I realized I was about to go back to a dark place I tried to patch up the anger and even kissed him goodbye. I thought I was being the bigger person. Once I got home..the time continued to go past and I hadn’t heard anything from him. Minutes turned into hours and hours turned into days. I questioned the absence, but I got no Response. Soon enough I got a reality check and figured he was done with me. We exchanged very rude things to each other in which I honestly started because I felt like a total fool. I was angry, embarrassed, and I didn’t understand how he could be mad at me when he chose to do something so childish. Of course at this point it was definitely the end of us, and I was crushed by this.
Moving forward a few days later….I was trying to keep myself busy so I went to Walmart to buy a few things to cook for dinner. The sky was so black and I knew it was about to storm. When I went into Walmart( one of my favorite stores) it was only sprinkling at the time. I put this little thin over lay sweater over my head and got into the store barely wet. When i came out is when the problems started. As soon as I made it into the store the storm started. It was BAD! I paid for my things and I could feel the wind rush across my skin as I got closer to the Exit. The little hairs stood up on my legs and arms from being cold. This day I happened to want to wear the sandals he bought me. They were bedazzled with white and silver beads. I mean they were beautiful sandals. The strap to buckle them together was white. I grabbed my bags in which I had maybe 6 bags and they were all not light. I had 6 bags on one arm and my purse and keys in the other with the sweater over my head. I started out to the parking lot with so much intensity and determination to get to my car. By the way I just had took down my hair and I was wearing my natural hair! You can only imagine what it looked like once I took 5 steps into this storm. I was going and going and I felt my right foot slide forward a little in my shoe. I thought the shoes had grip, but apparently not. These shoes definitely showed me that beauty is pain that day! So I slowed down and tried to catch up with my damn show because it was obviously ahead of me! Once I realized that my car was one row over I tried to cross over. This huge truck decides to back up while I’m trying to cross over. I’m walking faster at this point because both of us can’t make it, and he decides to let me go because I’m getting soaked. I took one more step and all hell broke loose. The shoe completely stopped and my foot slid forward so fast that the part in between my toes pop loose!!!!! the only thing that connected the shoe to my foot was the buckle that was still fastened around my ankle. My heart is pounding from me almost falling on my ass, stubbing my toe, and oh the embarrassment that I felt from the woman looking at me in her truck. Once I got to my car I plopped down so hard, and slide the rest of my body and bags into the car. My heart racing still. I finally calm down enough to crank the car…I back up and drive off..In the midst of being soaking wet…All I could think about was the fact that my shoe was broken. I felt the tears fill up in eyes as the road way got slightly blurred. I tried to hold in my tears, but of course they were in total control. My emotions started to get the best of me. I pulled up to my house and sat in the car as these really hurtful thoughts came across my mind. I knew I cared for him a lot, but when I cried over the shoe being broken is when I knew I truly loved him. I realize I can beat the fact that he left and I need to get over it in my head over and over, but the genuine love that I had for him will always surface in a form of a smile or tears. I also realize that everything won’t end on a good note. Depending on the situation and the people involved , the result will always be different.
I still hadn’t thrown the shoes away because I didn’t think my heart was ready to let go just yet, but my mind definitely was. Just remember when you find yourself crying over a broken shoe or as they say spilled milk, there’s such deeper meaning in the process of your healing. Heal at your own risk. You don’t have to prove to anyone how strong you are. We love differently and that’s okay!